6 TRUTHS THAT AREN’T THE REASON I’M STILL SINGLE, AND 1 THAT IS…

So, I’ve been working towards becoming a better writer. I like how I write, don’t get me wrong, but I always feel like my writing is too robotic. I blame it on the fact that I went a few years without writing for fun or creativity (unless you count songwriting), and instead wrote business, professional, or academic pieces for other people. As a result, I’ve become a much better writer, but a much worse storyteller than I used to be. I’m part of a writing group on Facebook, and I posted an excerpt from a portal fantasy story I’m working on, and I asked for feedback and impressions. Someone commented that the purpose of writing a novel isn’t to show that you’re a good writer, but rather to tell a story. I want my writing to be more emotionally engaging and I want to have more presence and personality and voice. Part of that is getting straight to the point and keeping things short, which is ironic considering that this introduction has absolutely nothing to do with the actual context and topic of this piece. In the worst segue in writing history, here are 6 truths that aren’t at all the reason why I’m still single, and then 1 that actually is…

6. I’m not yet where I want to be in life…

While I was gearing to return to school, I went looking for a 4th job. I went by a staffing agency to fill out forms for a temp position. There was this girl there. She was striking. There was an energy that I picked up from her and it was clear she was picking up the same from me. I noticed one other guy who was also filling out a form in the room could sense what was happening. She was also a bit shy and embarrassed by her own flirting and uneasiness around me. I could’ve asked for her number and I’m sure I would’ve gotten it, but I didn’t. This was just one of many similar scenarios I often encounter. I didn’t ask for her number because I didn’t see the point.

I had a crappy car, I didn’t own a house, and my pockets weren’t overflowing with cash. In truth, it wasn’t that I saw her as the kind of girl who cared about things like that. But, I’m the kind of guy who cares about things like that. Before approaching someone’s daughter, even to casually date, talk, or hookup, I believe I first need to be good enough for myself. When I left that building that day, I was angry at myself. This pushed me and made me more diligent about getting back to school. I told myself that I was going to make myself into the type of guy that doesn’t have to deny himself of a girl like that. Anyone who reads this might believe this is why I’m still single. It’s not.

5. I’m too busy with work and school…

I work, often beyond full time, and I just took on a promotion, meaning my responsibilities have increased. I’m also in school, often taking more than 12 credits at a time. Luckily, I have a lot of down time at work so I’m able to study and do schoolwork while earning some change. On the way to becoming good enough for myself, I chose to not pursue a degree in things I already know I’m good at. I wanted to push myself, and keeping in mind that if aim to start a family someday, I’d need to be a provider, I wanted to do something I know for sure would be lucrative. So, I decided to pursue Computer Science. It’s a lot of work. It doesn’t matter how much anyone warns you about how much work there is in this field of study; you’d never really get it until you’re knees deep. It’s a lot of work. It literally never ends. If I work 8 hours a day and then get home and have to attend Zoom classes and do hours of homework, while also responding to texts and calls from work, what time would I have to pursue a love interest? None. I’m too busy for my own self, even. Dating can’t be a priority right now, and I don’t need any distraction.

This seems like a reasonable reason, but, it’s bullshit. Dating is only a distraction when you use it as such.

4. I have no prospects…

This! I don’t have any prospects. I don’t know where all the girls are. I work with only a handful of people, and dating where I work is absolutely out of the question. I go to bars, I go to clubs, I go on dating apps. I go to church, I talk to aunties and uncles and ask them to introduce me. I do all of these things…except I don’t. I literally don’t do anything at all that’d put me within the proximity of single, like-minded girls. I haven’t been to a club in years and when I go to a bar, I just have one drink and leave, and I’ve only done that twice in the last 2 or 3 years. I don’t go to parties, I don’t go to church, I hardly talk to any aunties or uncles. I don’t trust anyone enough to understand my irrationally picky taste in people I associate with — not to speak of date. I make no effort at all in this regard. A lack of prospect is not the reason I’m still single.

3. All the good girls are taken…

All the girls within or near my age group are either on TikTok doing cringeworthy hand movements and fake voiceover videos for attention from strangers on the internet, or they’re married with 3 kids. The American divorce statistics is still in my favor for my high school crush though, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed on that one. “All the good ones are taken” is the chorus of bitter, single people lamenting on Instagram about their love lives (lack thereof). This condescending pseudo-moralist nonsense is just that. There’s no such thing as good girls or good guys, there are just the right people for the right people. All the good girls aren’t taken; all the right girls are taken by the right guys — subjective to their own taste. Everyone has picked their poison, but there’s always more to go around.

A sudden, global depletion of morally decent women is certainly not the reason I’m still single.

2. I am surrounded by broken relationships…

No, really…I am.

1. The right person hasn’t fallen on my lap…

I remember venting to a friend of mine, a few years ago, about a girl I met at my workplace, who basically went out of her way to get my attention, initiate a friendship, invited me to take her out a few times, and did all she could to get me to take interest in her. Then, once I finally decided to see what all of the fuss was about, she gently revealed to me that she had a boyfriend. The ‘ol bait-and-switch that happens when a girl doesn’t feel like the endless attention she gets from every guy she’s ever met is enough and takes offence when she meets a guy who clearly isn’t into her at all. Now, I’m sure this sounds like a scenario of misread intentions, but the problem is that this girl knew practically everything about me, and I knew just about everything about her. We’d shared lots of information — to the observation of other coworkers, down to details about her parents and siblings. Somehow, she left out the part of having a boyfriend. I told my friend about it one day after getting off the phone with her, and I told him that was exactly why I don’t try to date. He laughed and told me I hadn’t seen anything yet. Till date, he tells me I’m entitled, and that I seem to think the perfect girl is just going to fall on my lap. I can’t say he’s wrong.

If you see me still explaining why I’m still single when I’m 45, please mind your own business.

0. So, why am I actually single?

I’m single because I’m part of a generation that has turned relationships into an absolute fucking joke and has replaced substance and authenticity with empty, unfulfilling acts for instant gratification. I’m single because my generation is an offspring of another generation in which lies and suffering were the foundations on which most marriages and relationships were built, and people suppressed their fears and loneliness in the name of family and sacrifice, and apparently, no one was ever truly happy. I’m single because I live in a world where it’s easy to slip through the cracks or be left behind because the world has become a frying pan in which most of the population is scrambling for crumbs while a tiny fragment controls all of the wealth, and it’s everyone for themselves; most people have come to believe you either have to be the user or be the one being used. Wait, I’m still lying. These factors, while true, have nothing to do with why I’m still single.

All jokes aside…

The truth is, I’m single because when I love, I love wholeheartedly and I don’t know how to compartmentalize my emotions, and love is one of the very few things that I still believe in — and it’s just too much of a risk to allow any of the empty-headed, narcissistic vampires out there to ruin it for me. I’m single because I can’t just love and walk away like it’s a poker table. I’m single because when I love someone, I get attached, and I’m still haunted by the traumas of past broken attachments. I’m single because I know that love is like an electric shock; it can kill you, but it can sometimes be used to bring you back to life.

I’m single because I know when a relationship goes wrong, if you’re truly invested and present, it could screw you up entirely and throw off everything else you have going on in your life. It can undo years or months of healing. It can make you question everything you’ve ever believed, and it can teleport you back to the darkest, most traumatic moments of your life. It can inhibit your performance at work, school, and social environments. It can completely destroy you.

I’m single because I know what’s truly at stake when you decide to love someone.

I have a lot of opinions about a lot of things..

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